How Long, Oh Lord?

How Long, Oh Lord?

Tanner here.  I trust that those of you reading are here reading for one of a few reasons.  First, maybe we know you or you know us and if that is the case, I know that most of you care deeply for Kendra and I and have committed to pray for us during the season of our lives, and for that we cannot express our gratitude to God enough for putting people like you in our lives.  Secondly, perhaps you are interested in adoption and have stumbled upon this blog.  I pray that it is an encouragement to you as you seek God’s will for your life. Or maybe there is another reason you are here reading and for that I am grateful.  I typically don’t view myself as much of a blogger, and I typically don’t read a ton of blogs unless Kendra specifically asks me to.  Frankly, I am often annoyed by those who seem to use it as an outlet for venting politically (which I have been guilty of, and I am in no way/shape/form suggesting that all bloggers are guilty of this), but for the past few weeks I have felt really burden by something, and in this safe environment, I would like to toe that line of becoming one of those people.

If I’m honest I came into the adoption process a little ignorant to how it all works.  I mean we see it portrayed in such a way that in 8 months the process is over and we are all one, big, happy, trans-What to Expect When Your Expecting (pretty good flick, btw), but it is not at all like what I expected.  Hear me say this, the adoption process is beautiful!  I believe that in this life we have been given two great illustrations of the Gospel, marriage and adoption. Christ calls husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5).  Further, God the Father, through the Son’s substitutionary death on the cross adopted us into his forever family (Ephesians 1, Galatians 4). But man, this process of waiting is agonizing!  I fully anticipated a wait.  I also fully anticipated it being tough, but what I did not expect was all the external factors.  If you have ever walked through a process like this (and we are just at the beginning stages) then you know exactly what I am talking about. 

How much goes into this you may be asking yourself?  Well allow this to bake your noodle…There are roughly 250 million orphans worldwide, and we sit and wait for 1 at the bottom of a spreadsheet that gets updated daily, and on this spreadsheet are other families who wait with anxious anticipation for their little one to come home to them as well.  From our agency, there has not been a child matched with a family in several weeks, a sign that the process is slowing.  We were told we could be expected to wait 18-36 months for our little guy, but again we sit at the bottom of a list (have you ever been to a fast-food restaurant where the kid pushing the buttons has no idea what he is doing? If you live in Hobbs or Odessa, you can relate to that illustration. This is sort of what I feel like, except with my life).  We then received an e-mail that stated that after we are matched and make our initial visit with our son, that the wait time to get him home was 8-10 months more. I believe it is purely corruption and that is a sin issue, but as I project these feelings on the governments of the world, I also know that is pride and that is also a sin issue.  I am awfully thankful for grace!

Again, I believe with all my heart that the adoption process is beautiful, but for me early on it has been a series of ebbs and flows, and I am not going to lie to you, there have been some dark days for me.

And in a moment of weakness, I began to shake my small, insignificant fist at God, and I prayed these words:

“How long, Oh Lord? How long am I going to have to endure this? Are you serious right now? Aren’t you a God that hates injustice? How long?”

Definitely not my proudest moment as a follower of Jesus, but I am thankful for grace!

A few days later, we took our students at church camp, and the camp pastor spoke the words from the prophet Habakkuk, which I thought was unusual, I mean how many of us are well versed in our Minor Prophets, and who would honestly name their kid Habakkuk?  The prophet starts his discourse like this:

How long, Lord, must I call for help,
    but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
    but you do not save?

 Why do you make me look at injustice?
    Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
    there is strife, and conflict abounds.
 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
    and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
    so that justice is perverted.

(Habakkuk 1:2-4)

The Lord gave Habakkuk an answer but not the answer he was wanting.  If you know how the story ends, the nation of Israel is then placed into Babylonian captivity where they would spend several years in slavery.  But here’s the thing, Habakkuk trusts God.  That is huge to me! It’s as if he looks at his sorry circumstances and questions God and God’s response is less than ideal in our limited earthly view, and Habakkuk trusts in His plan and in His timing.  He says:

Lord, I have heard of your fame;
    I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
    in our time make them known;
    in wrath remember mercy.

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

     The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

(Habakkuk 3:2, 17-19)

So I close with this, even when our circumstances are awful, I am going to rest in what Frank Sinatra said, “the best is yet to come.” Even when everything else around me seems destitute, the best is yet to come, and I know that God is at work in my darkest times to get me there.  I believe in God’s sovereignty and I will drink it until it saturates my bones!

Go in Peace,

Tanner